i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
