Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my shit smells like andre
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
