I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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