I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
