I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my sisters under your porch take her home
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
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Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
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And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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