I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
