ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
