I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
