I am puke
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
