what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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