Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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