the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
