i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
