I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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