Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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