she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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