I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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