My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
