So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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