i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
