She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize