I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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