All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We had to coat check the pizza.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
