he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
