i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
