quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
