you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
