I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
