Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
