God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
