My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
