So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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