The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
