where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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