She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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