Define "chronic" masturbator.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
