I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I smell stomach acid.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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