the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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