Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
