Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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