I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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