and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
