i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
