omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
