You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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