my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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