Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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