i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
