she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
