your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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