I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
