he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
