I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
