..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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