Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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