I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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