i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
