Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
