he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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