If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
