Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
