Yo dont text me then not text me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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